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When I cleared your record it was mostly just a desperate attempt to try to stall for time since you said you were getting bored and ready to murder, if I'm being honest. I didn't expect you to stick to your word, and I certainly didn't trust you.
Then you asked me if you could be a deputy, and I remembered Zuko.
He didn't advertise it for good reason, but he's killed people before. His father was essentially a tyrannical dictator and he spent years trying to destroy the only hope the rest of the world had of escaping his rule. It took him multiple tries, missteps, and betrayals to actually find his way to doing the right thing. If he didn't have someone who believed in him and gave him more than one chance, he never would've made it. He clearly did, and I loved him more for knowing he'd come so far.
Being alone, and angry, and bitter, and believing the worst in everyone and doing bad things because it'll benefit you doesn't make people happy. I've never seen you really, earnestly smile I don't think, so I'd be willing to bet you've felt that coldness far more than I ever did. I'm not going to deny someone who I really believe wants to change the chance to do so.
In summary: I took a chance on you based on prior experiences of redeemed criminals and I haven't been disappointed yet.
So you ended up putting some faith in me because I reminded you of your ex-boyfriend.
Gross.
[ But it's not like there isn't truth in what she's saying, and it's not like there aren't parallels that even his stubborn self can see. He's not surprised that she's observant, but it's kind of annoying how accurate she is in her perceptions.
She has a knack for stumbling into other people with shitty dads, it seemed. Or were all dads inherently shit? ]
Indulge me a little more. You're not a bad guesser. What kind of coldness do you think I've faced?
I got to a point I could barely tell who I was in the mirror, and I've never killed someone. I imagine there's a point far worse than that. One where you stop feeling anything but that anger and the only way not to lose yourself is to try to make others feel your pain, then laugh when they don't shake it off and they don't know how to move forward, which makes you feel superior; stronger.
But honestly, you don't talk about yourself much so it's really nothing more than a guess.
[ Well, she was half right. She skipped the parts before the anger - the fear, the confusion, the desperation, the hollowness, the helplessness, the self-loathing - but she got to the right destination, more or less.
God, it sucks that she's right. ]
Well, you're in luck. It's an honest kind of day.
[ Which is when the feed clicks over to video, revealing Mercury in his apartment, one leg propped up on the table.
With his pants rolled up.
And a screwdriver sticking out of his absolutely, definitely, one hundred percent artificial leg. ]
[ It's not a journey she's taken, getting that cold. It's something she's grateful for, but it also means she doesn't have a complete story. Just guesses based on what she does know: feeling powerless makes you want to feel power, feeling betrayal makes you want to push others away, feeling anger makes you meaner.
What sure couldn't have predicted was the video feed off Mercury's legs. She's dumbfounded for a moment, then switches over the video herself. The surprise is still there, even if she's recovered slightly. ]
Suddenly your reluctance about the beach makes a lot more sense.
[ Still, she does have a lot of questions, but most of them aren't about his legs that she knows. ]
Someone definitely needs to invent a sand-proofing spray.
[ Weiss hesitates to ask, but given some of what she knows.. she's been curious since they spoke when she resigned. ]
"Doesn't take much imagination." [ She takes a moment, pausing before she continues, her eyes closed as she quotes him. ]
That's what you told me when I made a vague comment about my father. Jaune's practically been screaming at me because I don't want to open up about it to him, and the only person I've really been specific with made it very clear that he went from "if you want him in your life I'll play nice" to "wouldn't save him if he were going to die." But the way you said that, I think you know, and you haven't started telling people or trying to interfere or making threats. You offered me a favor. So I guess... my question would be: why doesn't it take much imagination for you?
[ Though he also asked her before if her scar had been her father's doing. She's a little concerned the legs are already part of the answer. ]
[ A throwaway bit of snark, as he leans in with a rag in his hand to polish some bit of metal just off-screen, obscuring his face from view. ]
I was born in Mistral. Never met my mom, though I've got my suspicions on that front. My dad was my sole caretaker, and he...
[ His motions stop for a moment. ]
Wasn't great.
[ Back to polishing. ]
In some circles he was pretty popular, but you probably never heard of him even once. When you wanted someone gone quickly, quietly, and efficiently, you called Marcus Black. Hell of a hitman, but boy did he take "tough love" to a new level.
[ The joke is there in his wording, but fails utterly to reach his voice. ]
[ Weiss listens. The rest isn't difficult to figure out. She'd seen him without a shirt before, and the legs.. ]
I take it those aren't scars from training, then.
[ It's not a question. He's welcome to deny it, but Weiss is pretty sure she knows. For everything her father was, she never felt like she was in physical danger around him. Not real danger anyway- all of her scars and pain were of the invisible variety, save one. Being legitimately afraid the person who was supposed to take care of you, keep you safe, was the one thing that was probably going to kill you...
Battler had put Weiss through a day of torment. How long had Mercury been in a hell like that? ]
Why are fathers the worst? I'm not saying mine is as bad as yours, it's.. different, obviously. But, still the worst collectively. [ Look, he doesn't seem like the type who would want sympathy and it's not like she's going to say she gets it. She would've wanted to become anything but a murderer if that was the type of person her father was. She doesn't really get it, but at least with the terrible fathers thing? She can empathize. ]
[ The man had taught him how to fight - to make him a tool that could be wielded, a weapon to help him with his wetwork, and he'd succeeded. He just wasn't the one who ended up wielding the weapon he forged, in the end.
Though there were plenty of days when the beating had nothing to do with making him stronger. Some days Marcus just needed a warm body to hit. ]
It's not just fathers. It's people. I can't even count how many others knew what I was going through and never lifted a finger to help.
[ He'd gone to hospitals before, when the injuries were too great. Staff was paid off, arrangements were made to be discreet. No reports were made. He'd met all sorts of men and women in his father's business, who could easily tell what Marcus was doing but saw it as none of their concern, not worth the risk. His father was the abuser, but the world around him enabled that behavior.
[ She wants to argue, to say that people are in general better than that. But if they were, she wouldn't have broken down and accidentally summoned a Boarbatusk in the middle of a party. She wouldn't have spent most of her life trying to isolate herself from everyone because the people she trusted would betray her or try to use her.
So she's not going to say that people on the whole are good. ]
I think people tend to group together. The cruel find the cruel, the selfish find the selfish, and the good look for others who are good. Finding someone out of their "place" is hard. The only reason I didn't end up like my father was because I was lucky enough to have a butler who treated me like an actual person. He's.. [ She shouldn't tell Mercury this, but.. ] Klein was the one who helped me get out of Atlas after Father said I would never leave as long as I refused to do as he wished of me. Truly good people who are willing to put their neck out for people who need it are rare. If he hadn't been there, if it'd just been someone who had taken father's money, I never would've made it past the guards. I won't say you're wrong, that there are a lot of people in this world who won't look out for others, but that's one of the reasons I want to be someone who will.
[ Because no one should have to go through their own father to not fear for their freedom, or in Mercury's case his life. She honestly doesn't know what to say about that. It hurts to think that anyone would be driven so desperate to have to do that. And she has no doubt that Mercury cared for him, despite everything, because that's the worst part. No matter how much you hate how a parent treats you, no matter how terrified or scared you are, they're still family. They're still the person who raised you, who taught you to be who you are. ]
Without any way out, I see why you had to let yourself get cold.
[ It doesn't make what he does right, but she thinks she might see why. It's not judgment time, and he's trying to be better. ]
[ He doubts a butler would have been of much help to him.
... But there's a point beyond that, and he tries to weigh it. The cruel find the cruel - he'd certainly seen enough of that, and of the selfish finding the selfish. He's not sure how he feels about "good", because that feels like a throwaway word. Hell, he's getting away with murder and destruction because she thinks there might be some "good" core buried in him somewhere, but at what cost? What makes "good" so good?
It's an argument he's curious about, but not right now. ]
I didn't have to. There's always a choice between fighting and giving up.
[ He'd certainly considered it more than once, growing up. Giving up, in the most permanent way. ]
I did what I wanted to. I wanted to fight back, I wanted to hurt him, and guess what?
[ He leans back into frame, and there's a smile on his lips that doesn't quite fit his tone or his eyes. ]
That was the only time I saw eye to eye with my old man, because he was right about one thing - it felt pretty good.
I know that. You would have to be one to still be around after that. After Battler, I.. it's hard not to stay a victim when you reach a dark place.
[ She had almost given up then. She understands how important that distinction is, even if the circumstances are different. But despite that she still doesn't quite understand something. Her eyes lower for a moment as she thinks about how to best ask it. It's not something she's sure Mercury would want to hear, but it's something she needs to know. Even if she understands why he's cruel and cold, she also doesn't understand how he could keep doing that to others knowing what it had done to him. Feeling powerful didn't seem like reason enough to become the very thing your trying to escape. ]
After all that, you chose to follow Cinder and cause others the same pain he did. That's the part I don't understand.
I said it felt good. Not that it felt good enough.
[ His attention goes back to tightening some screws in his leg, lip curling a bit in a sneer as he works. ]
Cinder found me the same night I took him out. Turns out she'd been looking to hire him, and ended up getting a front row seat to his execution. Guess that made me the new best thing, except the old bastard had ruined my legs in the fight. There was no way they'd heal right.
So when she wanted me to join her, I asked "What's in it for me?"
[ He taps his screwdriver lightly against the cold metal of his prosthetic. ]
Not a bad deal for someone with no other options. Beyond that... don't bother asking. You won't ever understand, because you'll never know what it was like in that house. You don't know what that does to you. Shit, I'm still trying to figure it out.
[ Finding a way to keep going, especially on his own at that point and probably lost as can be, that makes sense. Not complete sense, like he said, but sense. She's glad that he's opened up to her, and he's right that she's never going to really understand it unless someone drives her that far. Which is both unlikely and something she would never want.
Still, Weiss is glad that Mercury decided to turn away from that life. She's not going to push him beyond what he's comfortable with, especially since she knows there are plenty of things she doesn't want to talk about that she'd get mad if he pushed her on. So she decides to perform what's quickly becoming their usual dance. ]
Okay, but I still have one more question: What is your favorite food?
[ Go uncomfortable and then take a rather drastic turn toward something much easier to talk about, like the thing he told her to ask about in the first place. ]
[ He leans out of frame one more time - there's a click of plating locking into place, and as he leans back into frame, pulling his leg down and off the table...
He's right back to his smirk, as if he hadn't just been talking about the poison in his veins. ]
Want mine? I can't get people to leave me alone on it and I actually don't.. like birthdays. Birthday events, anyway. I don't mind well-meaning gifts, but they were always political events growing up. [ Opportunities to show her off and gain PR, not about her. A chance for her father's benefit. And with him here... ] We can throw you a party and make everyone be nice to you for a day while you can be as much of a pest as you please, as per the birthday rules.
[ She shrugs. It's something she was thinking about for Yang too, but she likes Mercury enough to extend the offer. ]
The Vale subarchway was made before my father cut me off or disinherited me. I can just walk over there and get Dust for you and Yang, you won't have to pay for it and it'll really annoy Mr. Mayor because the subarchways are stuck as-is so he can't change it.
Nnnnnnope. I don't need some fancy party celebrating the fact that I lived another year, and I sure as hell don't need everyone pretending to fawn over me. Hard no, pass, whatever. Count me out.
[ Seriously, he doesn't even know how to handle getting minimal gifts around the holidays when everyone is getting them. The fuck is he supposed to do with a birthday. ]
You keep doing favors for me. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall.
Okay, if you won't throw yourself on the pyre so I don't have to have one, you should at least come rescue me if someone tries to throw me a party then and we can go.. I don't know, bowling or something. [ The one time she wasn't able to escape was when her assistant pulled her birthday from her file and threw her a surprise party.
She has no idea how to bowl but it seems like something Mercury would like to her. Maybe it's because he'd probably pull a polo shirt off pretty well. ]
Is it really a favor if it's going to actively annoy my father and I go over there to get my own Dust anyway?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Text;
Then you asked me if you could be a deputy, and I remembered Zuko.
He didn't advertise it for good reason, but he's killed people before. His father was essentially a tyrannical dictator and he spent years trying to destroy the only hope the rest of the world had of escaping his rule. It took him multiple tries, missteps, and betrayals to actually find his way to doing the right thing. If he didn't have someone who believed in him and gave him more than one chance, he never would've made it. He clearly did, and I loved him more for knowing he'd come so far.
Being alone, and angry, and bitter, and believing the worst in everyone and doing bad things because it'll benefit you doesn't make people happy. I've never seen you really, earnestly smile I don't think, so I'd be willing to bet you've felt that coldness far more than I ever did. I'm not going to deny someone who I really believe wants to change the chance to do so.
In summary: I took a chance on you based on prior experiences of redeemed criminals and I haven't been disappointed yet.
Text;
Gross.
[ But it's not like there isn't truth in what she's saying, and it's not like there aren't parallels that even his stubborn self can see. He's not surprised that she's observant, but it's kind of annoying how accurate she is in her perceptions.
She has a knack for stumbling into other people with shitty dads, it seemed. Or were all dads inherently shit? ]
Indulge me a little more. You're not a bad guesser. What kind of coldness do you think I've faced?
Text;
But honestly, you don't talk about yourself much so it's really nothing more than a guess.
Text -> video
God, it sucks that she's right. ]
Well, you're in luck. It's an honest kind of day.
[ Which is when the feed clicks over to video, revealing Mercury in his apartment, one leg propped up on the table.
With his pants rolled up.
And a screwdriver sticking out of his absolutely, definitely, one hundred percent artificial leg. ]
What do you want to know?
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What sure couldn't have predicted was the video feed off Mercury's legs. She's dumbfounded for a moment, then switches over the video herself. The surprise is still there, even if she's recovered slightly. ]
Suddenly your reluctance about the beach makes a lot more sense.
[ Still, she does have a lot of questions, but most of them aren't about his legs that she knows. ]
May I ask about anything?
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[ His tone is casual, flippant - he's trying to keep it that way, even as he continues: ]
You can ask. I'll make some effort to actually answer, we'll see how it goes.
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[ Weiss hesitates to ask, but given some of what she knows.. she's been curious since they spoke when she resigned. ]
"Doesn't take much imagination." [ She takes a moment, pausing before she continues, her eyes closed as she quotes him. ]
That's what you told me when I made a vague comment about my father. Jaune's practically been screaming at me because I don't want to open up about it to him, and the only person I've really been specific with made it very clear that he went from "if you want him in your life I'll play nice" to "wouldn't save him if he were going to die." But the way you said that, I think you know, and you haven't started telling people or trying to interfere or making threats. You offered me a favor. So I guess... my question would be: why doesn't it take much imagination for you?
[ Though he also asked her before if her scar had been her father's doing. She's a little concerned the legs are already part of the answer. ]
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[ A throwaway bit of snark, as he leans in with a rag in his hand to polish some bit of metal just off-screen, obscuring his face from view. ]
I was born in Mistral. Never met my mom, though I've got my suspicions on that front. My dad was my sole caretaker, and he...
[ His motions stop for a moment. ]
Wasn't great.
[ Back to polishing. ]
In some circles he was pretty popular, but you probably never heard of him even once. When you wanted someone gone quickly, quietly, and efficiently, you called Marcus Black. Hell of a hitman, but boy did he take "tough love" to a new level.
[ The joke is there in his wording, but fails utterly to reach his voice. ]
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I take it those aren't scars from training, then.
[ It's not a question. He's welcome to deny it, but Weiss is pretty sure she knows. For everything her father was, she never felt like she was in physical danger around him. Not real danger anyway- all of her scars and pain were of the invisible variety, save one. Being legitimately afraid the person who was supposed to take care of you, keep you safe, was the one thing that was probably going to kill you...
Battler had put Weiss through a day of torment. How long had Mercury been in a hell like that? ]
Why are fathers the worst? I'm not saying mine is as bad as yours, it's.. different, obviously. But, still the worst collectively. [ Look, he doesn't seem like the type who would want sympathy and it's not like she's going to say she gets it. She would've wanted to become anything but a murderer if that was the type of person her father was. She doesn't really get it, but at least with the terrible fathers thing?
She can empathize. ]
I'm glad you got out.
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[ The man had taught him how to fight - to make him a tool that could be wielded, a weapon to help him with his wetwork, and he'd succeeded. He just wasn't the one who ended up wielding the weapon he forged, in the end.
Though there were plenty of days when the beating had nothing to do with making him stronger. Some days Marcus just needed a warm body to hit. ]
It's not just fathers. It's people. I can't even count how many others knew what I was going through and never lifted a finger to help.
[ He'd gone to hospitals before, when the injuries were too great. Staff was paid off, arrangements were made to be discreet. No reports were made. He'd met all sorts of men and women in his father's business, who could easily tell what Marcus was doing but saw it as none of their concern, not worth the risk. His father was the abuser, but the world around him enabled that behavior.
Who wouldn't want to get back at them? ]
I had to go through him to get out.
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So she's not going to say that people on the whole are good. ]
I think people tend to group together. The cruel find the cruel, the selfish find the selfish, and the good look for others who are good. Finding someone out of their "place" is hard. The only reason I didn't end up like my father was because I was lucky enough to have a butler who treated me like an actual person. He's.. [ She shouldn't tell Mercury this, but.. ] Klein was the one who helped me get out of Atlas after Father said I would never leave as long as I refused to do as he wished of me. Truly good people who are willing to put their neck out for people who need it are rare. If he hadn't been there, if it'd just been someone who had taken father's money, I never would've made it past the guards. I won't say you're wrong, that there are a lot of people in this world who won't look out for others, but that's one of the reasons I want to be someone who will.
[ Because no one should have to go through their own father to not fear for their freedom, or in Mercury's case his life. She honestly doesn't know what to say about that. It hurts to think that anyone would be driven so desperate to have to do that. And she has no doubt that Mercury cared for him, despite everything, because that's the worst part. No matter how much you hate how a parent treats you, no matter how terrified or scared you are, they're still family. They're still the person who raised you, who taught you to be who you are. ]
Without any way out, I see why you had to let yourself get cold.
[ It doesn't make what he does right, but she thinks she might see why. It's not judgment time, and he's trying to be better. ]
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... But there's a point beyond that, and he tries to weigh it. The cruel find the cruel - he'd certainly seen enough of that, and of the selfish finding the selfish. He's not sure how he feels about "good", because that feels like a throwaway word. Hell, he's getting away with murder and destruction because she thinks there might be some "good" core buried in him somewhere, but at what cost? What makes "good" so good?
It's an argument he's curious about, but not right now. ]
I didn't have to. There's always a choice between fighting and giving up.
[ He'd certainly considered it more than once, growing up. Giving up, in the most permanent way. ]
I did what I wanted to. I wanted to fight back, I wanted to hurt him, and guess what?
[ He leans back into frame, and there's a smile on his lips that doesn't quite fit his tone or his eyes. ]
That was the only time I saw eye to eye with my old man, because he was right about one thing - it felt pretty good.
I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor.
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[ She had almost given up then. She understands how important that distinction is, even if the circumstances are different. But despite that she still doesn't quite understand something. Her eyes lower for a moment as she thinks about how to best ask it. It's not something she's sure Mercury would want to hear, but it's something she needs to know. Even if she understands why he's cruel and cold, she also doesn't understand how he could keep doing that to others knowing what it had done to him. Feeling powerful didn't seem like reason enough to become the very thing your trying to escape. ]
After all that, you chose to follow Cinder and cause others the same pain he did. That's the part I don't understand.
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[ His attention goes back to tightening some screws in his leg, lip curling a bit in a sneer as he works. ]
Cinder found me the same night I took him out. Turns out she'd been looking to hire him, and ended up getting a front row seat to his execution. Guess that made me the new best thing, except the old bastard had ruined my legs in the fight. There was no way they'd heal right.
So when she wanted me to join her, I asked "What's in it for me?"
[ He taps his screwdriver lightly against the cold metal of his prosthetic. ]
Not a bad deal for someone with no other options. Beyond that... don't bother asking. You won't ever understand, because you'll never know what it was like in that house. You don't know what that does to you. Shit, I'm still trying to figure it out.
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[ Finding a way to keep going, especially on his own at that point and probably lost as can be, that makes sense. Not complete sense, like he said, but sense. She's glad that he's opened up to her, and he's right that she's never going to really understand it unless someone drives her that far. Which is both unlikely and something she would never want.
Still, Weiss is glad that Mercury decided to turn away from that life. She's not going to push him beyond what he's comfortable with, especially since she knows there are plenty of things she doesn't want to talk about that she'd get mad if he pushed her on. So she decides to perform what's quickly becoming their usual dance. ]
Okay, but I still have one more question: What is your favorite food?
[ Go uncomfortable and then take a rather drastic turn toward something much easier to talk about, like the thing he told her to ask about in the first place. ]
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He's right back to his smirk, as if he hadn't just been talking about the poison in his veins. ]
The blood of my enemies.
[ ... ]
Or popcorn.
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[ Still, good to know. Maybe he'll get a bunch of Popcornopolis for the winter holidays.
Still, she tilts her head slightly as he finishes up with his legs. Maybe there's something else she can do that'll be satisfying for both of them. ]
Do you need a steady supply of Dust for that?
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[ Did she really think his father, of all people, cared about something that meaningless. ]
It doesn't burn through the stuff as fast as the newer models do, but I need to refill it every now and again. Why?
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[ She shrugs. It's something she was thinking about for Yang too, but she likes Mercury enough to extend the offer. ]
The Vale subarchway was made before my father cut me off or disinherited me. I can just walk over there and get Dust for you and Yang, you won't have to pay for it and it'll really annoy Mr. Mayor because the subarchways are stuck as-is so he can't change it.
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[ Seriously, he doesn't even know how to handle getting minimal gifts around the holidays when everyone is getting them. The fuck is he supposed to do with a birthday. ]
You keep doing favors for me. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall.
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She has no idea how to bowl but it seems like something Mercury would like to her. Maybe it's because he'd probably pull a polo shirt off pretty well. ]
Is it really a favor if it's going to actively annoy my father and I go over there to get my own Dust anyway?
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[ It wasn't a no. ]
Should I openly announce how thankful I am for this generous influx of free Schnee-brand dust products?
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[ And so he won't have to feel like he's in debt, even if Weiss has no intention of holding it over him... ]
If you're really worried about me doing you favors, you can consider it an exchange for the window-breaking birthday rescue.
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[ ... ]
When the hell is your birthday, anyway?
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[ He's probably one of the only people she's told her birthday to for trying to avoid getting parties planned for her. ]
January 19th.
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